When I began writing this article, I intended to explore how active self-listening can clarify and recalibrate our New Year’s resolutions. But as I sit in Glendora—a suburb of Los Angeles—surrounded by ongoing fires, these ideas have taken on a deeper significance. People I know have lost their homes, and it’s heartbreaking to see the devastation on the news: the people and animals who have perished, the properties reduced to ash, and the constant roar of helicopters overhead. In moments like these, I find myself asking, “What is the best way to help?” Surprisingly, the answer begins with active self-listening.
Active self-listening is about tuning in to your thoughts, feelings, and body cues, much like you would for a close friend in crisis. When we fail to listen to ourselves, we drift, becoming agitated, frustrated, or anxious—sometimes lashing out or falling into despair. By contrast, staying connected to our inner voice offers a soothing balm, helping us remain steady in the face of chaos. After all, if we don’t understand our own emotional landscape, how can we bring genuine compassion and support to those in need?
Active listening typically involves paying close attention to a speaker, understanding what they’re saying, and responding thoughtfully. When you turn that focus inward, you become both speaker and listener—attuned to your own needs, emotions, and insights. This approach cuts through mental chatter and external pressures, guiding you toward decisions rooted in clarity and empathy. It also cultivates resilience—an especially vital quality when your community is facing life-altering events like these fires.
Below are a few exercises you can try. In crisis, carving out time for self-reflection can ground you and renew your capacity to help others.
Before dissecting the words you used, focus on the feeling behind them.
Ask, “Did my reaction come from my head, heart, or gut?”
Use a voice recorder and talk freely for five minutes.
Listen back as if you’re hearing a friend. Notice repeated themes or strong emotions.
Speak to yourself about a current challenge while looking in a mirror.
Observe your tone, facial expressions, and body language.
Offer empathy and understanding as you would to a loved one.
Write nonstop for 10–15 minutes without editing.
Afterward, look for hidden anxieties, hopes, or motivations.
Ask yourself periodically, “What am I feeling right now?”
Respond with curiosity instead of judgment.
Identify patterns in your emotional responses.
Tune into sensations like tension, warmth, or ease.
Label them: “My shoulders feel tight; perhaps I’m stressed.” Explore what these signals might be telling you.
Divide a page into two columns: one for your inner critic, and one for your inner coach.
Let both sides “speak.” Seek common ground between fear and encouragement.
When tragedy strikes at our doorstep, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed or powerless. Yet, by practicing active self-listening, you can bolster your emotional well-being and remain calm for your community. Think of it as tending to your own fire first—ensuring it stays bright and steady—so you can offer warmth and guidance to others in need.
In the words of Charles Dickens from David Copperfield:
“Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.”
Even in times of adversity, we can still choose to be the heroes of our own stories by listening within, honoring our emotions, and then stepping forward with compassion for ourselves and others. As our community grapples with unprecedented challenges, how will you actively listen to yourself today? Share your thoughts or reach out if you want to learn more.