In planning for my daughter's wedding, I am keenly aware that I am saying goodbye to my baby. She is starting a new phase in her life, a transformation, and I am also without her. I did not take for granted the years that we had coffee in the mornings and conversations that energized my day. We went through trials together and celebrated our triumphs. The hikes where not a word was spoken but nature observation prevailed, like getting near the top of the San Gabriel Mountains before sunrise, parking on a turnout, standing side by side watching the sunrise. Our shadows changed constantly, as we watched, turning in circles not to miss anything—better than Disneyland. These moments I shared with her would not be as accessible in our transformations. I was saying goodbye to our shared relationship and welcoming an evolved one.
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." - Lao Tzu
The first time she got married was in March 2024, at the courthouse in Salisbury, North Carolina. The second time, in May, was at a huge event both in person and online. The third time was at our home so that her dad could walk her down the aisle and she could share an intimate ceremony with the immediate family.
Every step of planning and executing the wedding was magical and memorable. We loosely based the theme on The Lord of The Rings. We had weekly meetings with the female family members to discuss decorations, attire, food, music, and all things wedding. The day my daughter-in-law and I ran several wedding errands was especially distinctive. We had to pick up a rabbit for the Samwise Gamgee Rabbit Stew at a specialty butcher shop. We met three fellas at this shop, and they were very interested in the theme of our wedding and proceeded to give us tips and tales. One of them even looked like a dwarf except that he was tall. This burly, quick-witted, raspy-voiced, and bearded man shared his tales of lore and adventure. We could not stop laughing.
Each week, I went to the thrift store with one of the grandkids, and we would find a treasure for the wedding. Lily and I found a beautiful scarf for the arch, and Caden and I found 2 ½’ wooden pillar candle holders. It was amazing; without fail, something would appear, and the cost was always half off.
My grandson and I resurfaced the concrete in the backyard with Granite Grip to improve the aesthetics of the wedding venue. Colin watched YouTube videos on how to apply the coating; he went with me to buy it as he could carry the huge container to and from the car. We mapped out an action plan, watched the YouTube video again, and refined our plan. We executed our job through humidity, intense summer heat, and mosquitoes. We finished it.
My granddaughter, Lily, and I made the rabbit stew, and the experience proved to be an adventure marked by a lot of laughter. Caden and I made the elven lembas bread and Beorn’s twice-baked honey cakes, and we, too, were surprised by how good they turned out.
During this time, I also nurtured Monarch caterpillars from eggs to butterflies. I bought a butterfly home, cleaned it several times a day and made sure they had plenty to eat. From egg to caterpillar, they start with a voracious appetite and devour the milkweed leaves, followed by a complete change in their form into the chrysalis. They seem to be quiet for the next three to five days, except their form gets darker and darker until they break out of the chrysalis into a new version of themselves. The caterpillars' journey from eggs to butterflies, with their meticulous care and eventual transformation, caused me to pause and reflect.
Somewhere in between the wedding preparations and the butterfly adventure, my daughter introduced me to "The Art of Focus" by Dan Koe. I started the book and listened to a couple of his podcasts. The timing was divine because Dan Koe is about making yourself the best version of yourself through focus. His words resonated with me and expanded my understanding of Abraham Hicks. Abraham Hicks uses the Law of Attraction to explain being the best version of ourselves. At this time, I started to compare and contrast the two creators. They are both my mentors in that they are successful not just materially but also in living their lives with purpose and meaningful contributions to humanity.
The wedding was a beautiful monarch of an experience because we all contributed in our ways through the months of planning, and we were all able to let go and simply enjoy the ceremony and each other's company. And then my daughter and her new family were leaving, boarding a plane, going back to North Carolina and leaving me with my reflections.
-Start now; nothing else matters.
-Focus on passion. Focus is a muscle and must be exercised every day.
-I don't remember where I picked up the phrase "Use your noodle before it turns to strudel," but I use it all the time.
-Passion is a strong, compelling feeling or emotion that inspires our curiosity and creativity toward solutions.
-The choice is mine—what am I focusing on?
-Make every day new in the evolution and expansion of yesterday.
-Don't resist what you don't want. Focus on leading yourself to your uncomfortable edge what you do want.
-Find the joywork in everything.
The journey of transformation, whether it’s through planning a wedding, a business, or a new way of life, involves both focus and vibrational alignment. Both Abraham-Hicks and Dan Koe offer valuable insights into how aligning our thoughts, emotions, and focus can lead to a richer, more fulfilling life. My experiences these past few months have deepened my understanding of these principles, and I am excited to continue expanding my joywork with this newfound clarity.
The Art of Focus by Dan Koe
Into The West by Annie Lennox